Welcome to my musings

 

I've taken the liberty of using this space to share my experiences with deconditioning as a 2/4 Splenic Projector.

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With the Channel of Inspiration (8-1) in my design, I sometimes feel the urge to write.

This muse for writing doesn't appear often, as this energy channel operates in a pulse. Most of the time, there is no inspiration to write, and I can't force it. But when it's present, the inspiration flows effortlessly. The words I've written down offer glimpses into my daily experiences as I decondition and follow my Strategy (waiting for the invitation) and Authority (splenic) since January 2020.
 

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Written on 27 May 2025

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Story about following the body during motherhood

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Last night, my son had troubles falling asleep. He never had these kinds of problems. It seemed like he feared being alone. He was crying, standing in his bed and screaming a lot. He only relaxed and found comfort if I stayed in the room with him, and preferable touched/hugged him (he is emo tribal Projector).

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My mind was very busy at that moment. ‘How do I get him to sleep?’ ‘How do I leave the room?’ ‘How..’

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At some point I recognised my mind trying to solve this ‘problem’. I recognised the mind trying to control the situation. I stopped listening to this very busy voice in my head. Instead, I just let go of the idea that there is something to solve. I let go of the idea of a ‘bedtime’. I knew, at some point my body would move. I didn't know what kind of move.. I only had to wait for that wisdom. So, I waited.

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Suddenly my body moved to the floor, next to the crib of my son. He was still standing and crying. I heard myself say: I’m tired now, I’m going to sleep.

He looked down at me and laid down. My hands touched his face, and he held my hands tightly. I didn’t say anything. My body sank into deep relaxation. My breath sank deep into my body. I could hear he was falling asleep.

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This was such an incredible moment. There was so much serendipity. I felt deeply that this was the place. This floor, this moment, this deep peace. My body, my soul, my whatever.. There was no other place in the world I had to be. It was such a deep moment to experience.

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Of course, my mind came in: “How do you ever leave this room?!” “He is holding your hands, once you move, he is going to wake up again.” “Do you really think you can lay here all evening and night?!” “Do you really think this peaceful moment will last?!”

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I again waited, trying not to listen to this pushy voice inside my head. I knew, my body brought me in this position. At some point it will move again, but I don’t know when, and I will not interfere. So again, I let go of time. There was no restlessness or frustration. It was still very peaceful (and funny, not discomforting at all).

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And there it was! The moment my fingers slowly let go of the touch of his face. My hands slowly found their way back to me, letting his hands go. My body moved very slow and easy. No interference of the mind. Such a beautiful process. I left the room.

My son slept through the night.​
 

Written on 2 May 2025

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Story about the spiritual swamp

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Recently, someone asked me to spar with them about a relationship dilemma. He was torn between two women and wanted clarity. This man had been on a path of self-development through spirituality for years.

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“I dream images that point to one woman.”

“I ride my bike and see all kinds of signs that point to the other.”

 

It quickly became clear to me that I wasn’t really talking to him, but to his mind, a mind that had crafted an impressive array of spiritual reasons to choose, or not choose, either woman. Everything seemed to carry meaning: “Choking on something means a new beginning.” “An acorn doesn’t just fall on your head for no reason.”

 

I could see the chaos. How his mind was pulling him in all directions, cloaked in a spiritual disguise. In the end, he chose one of the women. My only piece of advice was simple but powerful: “Try not listening to your mind for once.”

 

Later, half-jokingly, I said to the other woman, “He’ll probably show up at your door soon.” And honestly, I meant it. Because that’s how the mind works, there’s never real peace around a decision. The alternative always lingers. What if… And of course, that too is dressed in spiritual logic: “I saw her face during a cacao ceremony.” ​

 

It struck a chord. I saw a reflection of who I used to be, before Human Design crossed my path. I used to get lost in the spiritual playground too. Looking for answers outside myself, in signs, rituals, and symbolism. But eventually, I let it all go to fully surrender to my Strategy and Authority.

 

Five years later, during that conversation, I recognized the same chaos I once mistook for clarity. My mind used to dress everything up in spiritual language, but it never brought peace.

 

Because no matter how spiritual it may seem, spirituality often still means seeking authority outside yourself and basing your choices on that. It’s an outward movement, while the real power lies in turning inward.

 

I’ll admit: I sometimes miss the rituals. Pulling a card and “knowing” what I should do. But waiting for an invitation, as my design suggests, has been the hardest and most liberating thing I’ve ever done.

 

Now, after five years of experimenting, I can recognize a place of calm within myself. A deep sense of freedom too. Because everything meant for me, finds me. There’s nothing to chase, no rituals to do, no signs to interpret, nothing to prove, nothing to force. Just being present. And trusting.

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(Within two weeks, he was indeed standing at her door. I felt disappointed. I had so badly wanted to be wrong. I had so badly wished that what I see about the mechanics of making decisions with your mind, and the chaos that results from it, wasn't true. But unfortunately, it turned out to be true.)

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Written on 18 February 2025​

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​Story about the power of Sacral center.

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At 12:00, I receive the first message from my Projector son’s daycare: He didn’t sleep this morning. At 15:00, the next message comes: Still no sleep. 

 

My son has an open Sacral (and open Root) center, so it’s no surprise that he doesn’t sleep well at daycare. They put all the kids to sleep together, so there’s no escaping the sacral energy of others (70% of the population has a defined Sacral). He absorbs and amplifies that energy. He is also PHS indirect light, so he should be sleepy during the day. Him being awake all these hours is just deep conditioning.

 

I’m fortunate to have the flexibility in my life to pick him up from daycare at any time. So, that’s what I do. As I arrive, the daycare staff suggests that he might no longer need naps. I tell them that my son sleeps for multiple hours at home (where he is most of the time out of Sacral energy). 

 

As we walk out of daycare, I can see the sacral energy leaving his body. Before we even reach the car, he starts yawning. I have to do my best to keep him awake for just five more minutes until we get home. Now, he’s in a deep sleep.

 

Seeing him being conditioned (and also the conditioning leaving his body) is another level of evidence that Human Design carries my truth. 

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Written on 29 January 2025​

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​​Story about being alone and feeling so connected to life.

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I traveled alone to Mexico to attend an HD immersion with Hunt (Generator) and Emily (Manifestor). During my time in Mexico, I spent so, so many hours in my hotel room. The hotel is located on one of the main streets in town, with lots of traffic passing by. My body completely relaxed (phs nervous & environment narrow valleys). I am lying in my spacious room, with no one around me. No sacral energy to fill me up and buzz me through life. Yet, because of all the traffic passing by, I feel like such a part of life. I feel so connected to it. It is such a beautiful experience, to feel so relaxed, with no need to do anything. No need to explore. No need to release energy. No need to be part of all the buzz on the streets. During these hours, alone in my spacious room, I feel deeply connected to myself & life. What a beautiful experience.

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Written on 30 December 2024​

​Story about being in a public place with my Projector son.

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We were in a public place, and my 1 year old son was sitting on the floor. He wasn’t doing anything, just sitting, being, and looking around. A stranger passed by, stopped, and looked at him. My son looked back. After a few seconds, the stranger said to him: “I’m curious what you see.”

 

This moment perfectly illustrates how auras work. I thought it was the most beautiful question someone could ask him. 

 

Little add: The Projector is here to be recognized by others (mostly Generators) and to be invited to ask their questions and share their insights. Projectors often fear not being seen, but this moment reminds us to trust that our auras are doing the work. We don't need to actively seek recognition or invitations; it all happens naturally. The right invitations will come if we 'simply' wait.​​​​​​
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Written on 2 November 2024

The notes I took during the Human Design immersion with Mary Ann Winiger (Generator) and Pavaka (Manifestor).

 

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• Let the body move.

• Be comfortable in your body.

• We are here to just be.

• Waiting was like dying.

• Waiting brought me to being.

• Aloneness is not “I’m lonely.”

• Generators: if you say something, it’s the mind. With sounds, you express your truth.

• A no to the other is a yes to yourself.

• The Generator sounds express it all. No words are needed.

• There’s no why; there’s just your experience.

• There are so many opportunities to wait.

• Don’t listen to your mind when it tells you to do something.

• The other is not my business.

• Love is wanting what is correct for them.

• Don’t give a reason for your decision.

• I repeat: don’t listen to your mind when it tells you what to do.

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Written on 31 October 2024

Story about 'dancing' with my dad.

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I came home after two days of immersion on Ibiza.

Sacral Generator dad (who isn’t into HD at all): “What did you learn today?”
Me: “Do you want to know?”
Dad: “Yes.”

Me (taking a moment to find the words to condense all the experiences and wisdom into a sentence as short as possible): “That I need to shut up.”
Dad: laughs really loudly.
Still laughing...
Finally, after laughing: “But what if others want to know what you have to say?”
Me: “They’ll ask me.”
Dad nods: “That makes sense.”

 

End of the short conversation about two days of immersion work. It hits home. This was so correct for both of us.

In the past, I used to be so mad at my dad. He was absent, physically and emotionally. I was angry, blaming and shaming him. The way I treated him, the way I tried to find his triggers, just to get some reaction or recognition, what a drama it was.

Now, after HD, I can see that he is one of the few people in my life who is simply being who he is. It’s just his design. I’ve stopped the guilt trip, and we’ve both relaxed more.

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And now... now it’s really flowing between us. I just shut up. He doesn’t say much. It goes like:

 

Dad: “I like this store.”
Me: “Do you want to go in?”
Dad: “Yes.”

 

End of conversation.

 

Or:

 

Dad: “Do you smell that?”
Me: “Do you like it?”
Dad: “No.”

 

End.

 

There’s a flow. There’s a dance. It wasn’t the immersion that was the biggest gift of being on Ibiza, it was 'dancing' with my dad.

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Written on 12 October 2024

Story about ignoring my splenic hit.

 

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Friends came over to play games. The ones who lost the game had to do the groceries and cook dinner. They lost, so they went grocery shopping and started cooking. While they were cooking, I saw a friend cutting the chicken. In that moment, there was an awareness in my body that made me regret not acting on it. This awareness, it was so soft, but it was there. It made me feel like I shouldn’t eat the chicken, but again, it was like a whisper.

Unfortunately, I ignored it and ate the chicken anyway. That night, I started throwing up. I was sick for six hours and fainted twice. My body is exhausted and hurts. What a horrible night. But that splenic feeling… Wow. It was there. The warning was there.

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Written on 5 October 2024

Story about shifting from mental understanding to feeling.

 

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I was contemplating the Projector's Immersion this week because I sensed something different in my body. And then it hit me: I’ve studied Human Design for years now. Years of studying, reading, and listening, but I now realize how mental it still was. So mental.

This week, for the first time ever, I sensed it. I felt S&A. I actually felt all those words I’ve read over the years. I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t expect that attending an immersion would bring me into this next, deeper phase of feeling.

In the past, I’ve had many spiritual practices and even experienced ‘bliss moments,’ but they never lasted. This feeling in my body now feels somewhat similar, but it’s deeper and different. It’s like, for the first time ever, I’m getting a feeling or glimpse of my frequency because of S&A.

It’s still a very new sensation. It comes and goes. And when it goes, I feel the resistance. It’s clear I haven’t been correct.

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Written on 5 August 2024

Story about 'dancing' with an emotional Manifesting Generator.

 

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An emotional MG friend sent me a voice message:
“I need your help with making a decision. I just had a job interview that I really liked, but I also had another job interview at a different place that I also liked… blablabla” (continues talking about this and that).

I replied: “Could it be that you’re not emotionally clear about what decision to make? I’ll see you in a few days. Shall we talk about it then?”
Her: “Yes!”

A few days later:
Her: “I don’t need to talk about it anymore; I’m emotionally clear now!”
Me: Feels success 

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Little add: If you are a Projector, you can experiment by answering a Generator's story with a closed (!!) question. This helps the Generator connect with their truth through their sacral response. In the example above, it became clear that she didn’t need my opinion on what to do about the job interview. She needed a closed question to hear her own truth. Offering her that question and giving her time for her emotional process was all she needed. This gave me such a sense of success.

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Written on 1 July 2022

Story about being aware of my Authority for the first time.

 

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Splenic hit! I felt it, not during an invitation, but in a normal life situation. Trying to describe the moment when, for the first time in my life, I became aware of my Authority:

Yesterday I was driving. It was really late, dark, and I was tired. Then I felt this really, really brief sensation in my body. Like a hit, something that made me alert right away.

In that second, I was completely awake and aware. And then I saw a car behind me that would’ve hit me if I hadn’t used my brakes at that exact moment.

This all happened in just a second or so.

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