Welcome to my musings

 

I've taken the liberty of using this space to share my experiences with deconditioning as a 2/4 Splenic Projector.

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With the Channel of Inspiration (1-8) in my design, I sometimes feel the urge to write.

This muse for writing doesn't appear often, as this energy channel operates in a pulse. Most of the time, there is no inspiration to write, and I can't force it. But when it's present, the inspiration flows effortlessly. The words I've written down offer glimpses into my daily experiences as I decondition and follow my Strategy (waiting for the invitation) and Authority (splenic) since January 2020.

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Written on 6 December 2024

 

Story about dancing with a Manifestor.

 

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At the end of an HD immersion, a Manifestor started talking to me, informing me that he’d like to stay in touch. We exchanged numbers, and sometimes he sends me a message. When he does, the energy flows like a river—so natural, so effortless. It amazes me how easy the interaction feels.

At some point in the conversation, he leaves, and the energy immediately disappears. Of course, I experimented and tried initiating by sending him a message. Wow! The energy was OFF. No flow at all—like mud, draining, and very awkward. The complete opposite!

The dance of energy is becoming so clear to me. It’s simply not possible to move toward a Manifestor. What’s fascinating is how the not-self is so used to pushing, chasing, and pursuing the mind’s desires. My mind’s desires are completely incorrect because there’s no invitation. This dance exposes the not-self, and it’s fascinating to observe.

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Written on 2 November 2024

 

The notes I took during the immersion with Mary Ann and Pavaka.

 

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• Let the body move.

• Be comfortable in your body.

• We are here to just be.

• Waiting was like dying.

• Waiting brought me to being.

• Aloneness is not “I’m lonely.”

• Generators: if you say something, it’s the mind. With sounds, you express your truth.

• A no to the other is a yes to yourself.

• The Generator sounds express it all. No words are needed.

• There’s no why; there’s just your experience.

• There are so many opportunities to wait.

• Don’t listen to your mind when it tells you to do something.

• The other is not my business.

• Love is wanting what is correct for them.

• Don’t give a reason for your decision.

• I repeat: don’t listen to your mind when it tells you what to do.

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Written on 31 October 2024

 

Story about 'dancing' with my dad.

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I came home after two days of immersion on Ibiza.

Sacral Generator dad (who isn’t into HD at all): “What did you learn today?”
Me: “Do you want to know?”
Dad: “Yes.”

Me (taking a moment to find the words to condense all the experiences and wisdom into a sentence as short as possible): “That I need to shut up.”
Dad: laughs really loudly.
Still laughing...
Finally, after laughing: “But what if others want to know what you have to say?”
Me: “They’ll ask me.”
Dad nods: “That makes sense.”

 

End of the short conversation about two days of immersion work. It hits home. This was so correct for both of us.

In the past, I used to be so mad at my dad. He was absent, physically and emotionally. I was angry, blaming and shaming him. The way I treated him, the way I tried to find his triggers—just to get some reaction or recognition—what a drama it was.

Now, after HD, I can see that he is one of the few people in my life who is simply being who he is. It’s just his design. I’ve stopped the guilt trip, and we’ve both relaxed more.

And now... now it’s really flowing between us. I just shut up. He doesn’t say much. It goes like:

 

Dad: “I like this store.”
Me: “Do you want to go in?”
Dad: “Yes.”

 

End of conversation.

 

Or:

 

Dad: “Do you smell that?”
Me: “Do you like it?”
Dad: “No.”

 

End.

 

There’s a flow. There’s a dance. It wasn’t the immersion that was the biggest gift of being on Ibiza—it was dancing with my dad.

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Written on 12 October 2024

 

Story about ignoring my splenic hit.

 

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Friends came over to play games. The ones who lost the game had to do the groceries and cook dinner. They lost, so they went grocery shopping and started cooking. While they were cooking, I saw a friend cutting the chicken. In that moment, there was an awareness in my body that made me regret not acting on it. This awareness—it was so soft, but it was there. It made me feel like I shouldn’t eat the chicken, but again, it was like a whisper.

Unfortunately, I ignored it and ate the chicken anyway. That night, I started throwing up. I was sick for six hours and fainted twice. My body is exhausted and hurts. What a horrible night. But that splenic feeling… Wow. It was there. The warning was there.

 

 

Written on 5 October 2024

 

Story about shifting from mental understanding to feeling.

 

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I was contemplating the Projector's Immersion this week because I sensed something different in my body. And then it hit me: I’ve studied Human Design for years now. Years of studying, reading, and listening—but I now realize how mental it still was. So mental.

This week, for the first time ever, I sensed it. I felt S&A. I actually felt all those words I’ve read over the years. I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t expect that attending an immersion would bring me into this next, deeper phase of feeling.

In the past, I’ve had many spiritual practices and even experienced ‘bliss moments,’ but they never lasted. This feeling in my body now feels somewhat similar, but it’s deeper and different. It’s like, for the first time ever, I’m getting a feeling or glimpse of my frequency because of S&A.

It’s still a very new sensation. It comes and goes. And when it goes, I feel the resistance. It’s clear I haven’t been correct.

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Written on 5 August 2024

 

Story about 'dancing' with a Generator.

 

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An emotional MG friend sent me a voice message:
“I need your help with making a decision. I just had a job interview that I really liked, but I also had another job interview at a different place that I also liked… blablabla” (continues talking about this and that).

I replied: “Could it be that you’re not emotionally clear about what decision to make? I’ll see you in a few days. Shall we talk about it then?”
Her: “Yes!”

A few days later:
Her: “I don’t need to talk about it anymore; I’m emotionally clear now!”
Me: Feels success 

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Written on 1 July 2022

Story about being aware of my Authority for the first time.

 

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Splenic hit! I felt it—not during an invitation, but in a normal life situation. Trying to describe the moment when, for the first time in my life, I became aware of my Authority:

Yesterday I was driving. It was really late, dark, and I was tired. Then I felt this really, really brief sensation in my body. Like a hit—something that made me alert right away.

In that second, I was completely awake and aware. And then I saw a car behind me that would’ve hit me if I hadn’t used my brakes at that exact moment.

This all happened in just a second or so.

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